Can We Start Again
by EngieFangirl
Summary: What should have happened after the famous elevator scene in S15 E6. Bramaro Version only the scene is taken from season 15 the rest takes place in season 16
1. Chapter 1

Nick sat at his desk after his blow up with Barba in the elevator and he couldn't help but feel that he might have messed up badly. For the rest of the day, Nick was unrestful but powered through it and did his work. That night when he was the last one left in the bullpen he decided to go over to the DA's office to talk to Barba.

...

When he got to the building he realized that he should probably have called ahead to make sure that the ADA was still in the office but he hadn't.

Nick: Oh well, no use in doing that now. (He mumbled to himself as he locked his car and walked towards the building)

He entered the building and walked towards the ADA's office and was surprised and pleased to see the man still in his office. He knocked before entering the office.

Rafael: Nick, is something up with the case?

N: No, uh. I just wanted to talk to you about something.

R: Pertaining to the case?

N: No, not really.

R: Okay, how can I help? (He asked motioning for Nick to take a seat)

N: I uh... I wanted to apologize for earlier. I shouldn't have gone off on you the way that I did.

R: No, you shouldn't have.

N: Yes, I know it wasn't my place but it made me angry to see you putting yourself and your career in jeopardy for your supposed friend.

R: But I didn't, I just...

N: I know that now. (He sighed) Look, I just came to say sorry.

R: And I appreciate that but you didn't have to come all the way here to say that, you could have picked up your phone, Nick.

N: I followed you down to the first floor earlier to argue so I figured what's an extra few kilometres to apologise.

R: Well if you look at it that way. (He smiled causing Nick to smile as well) I was going to get myself something to eat, do you want to come along?

N: You don't have to invite me along.

R: I know but I want to, so what do you say?

N: Why not, I've got nothing better to do.

R: Ouch.

N: I didn't mean it in a negative way Barba.

R: Okay and since we're going out to eat and it's way past office hours maybe you can think about calling me by my name, detective Amaro?

N: I've already met harass ADA Barba, I guess that I need to get to know Mr. Rafael.

R: Keep talking and you'll be paying for your own dinner.

N: Oh, you're paying.

R: I'm reconsidering it. (He grumbled packing his papers into his briefcase before grabbing his suit jacket)

N: You work too much. (He said following Barba out)

R: The pot calling the kettle black, detective who just came from the precinct.

N: Like I said, I don't have anything better to do.

R: Maybe I don't either.

N: Mmm.

R: You're driving us by the way.

N: Oh am I?

R: Yes, I'm paying for the food. The least you can do is drive us.

N: Of course, it's the least I can do. Where are we going?

R: Italian restaurant on 5th and Central, detective.

N: Just get in the car.

...

They were led to a table situated towards the back of the restaurant as soon as they arrived and they both immediately ordered their food, not wanting to wait long after their respective days.

Once they got their food the both of them maintained some idle chatter while they were eating until Barba finally put his fork down and looked at Nick.

N: What? Do I have something on my face?

R: No, I've wanted to ask you something for a while now.

N: Sure, go ahead.

R: Why is it that the two of us never really get along? I know that the both of us have big personalities and I'm probably not the easiest person to get along with but it always felt as if you were pushing harder to not get along with me and I just want to understand why?

N: You know my father and how he was or actually still is, now he tried teaching me how to be a real man when I was younger. Always spoke about what a man is and one day he saw one of my male teachers outside the school getting kissed by his partner and he lost it. Went on about how they weren't real men because if they were they wouldn't be doing what they were doing and then he drilled it into my head that their "way of life" was wrong and disgusting and if I wanted to be a real man that I had to stay away from their type.

R: So you think I'm not a real... man? Is that it?

N: No, I believed him when I was younger because I didn't know better but I grew out of that phase and got smarter. I know he was just a bigot amongst other things but that's not it.

R: Then what is it because I'd really like to understand.

N: Even after he left, I guess a small part of me still wanted to prove that I was good enough to his ideals stuck with me even though I knew they were bogus, so I got married and I was happy got a while but it wasn't right even though I got the best possible thing out of it and then I joined the squad and met this hardass ADA who brought all that back to me but not because of who he was but because of me and the things I had to figure out.

R: And have you... figured it out I mean?

N: No, not yet.

R: Okay.

And that was the end of any serious conversation for the rest of their dinner. They spoke about anything and everything until they finished their dessert and coffee's because according to Barba you couldn't finish a meal without coffee.

R: I'm granting you the honour of driving me home detective, I'll get my car in the morning.

N: The honour he says, get in the car and shut it counsellor. (He scoffed)


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning Nick walked into the precinct with a spring in his step and a smile on his face, one that did not go unnoticed by his fellow officers some even giving him strange looks.

N: Good morning everyone. (He smiled when he finally entered the bullpen)

Amanda: Well someone's in a good mood today.

Olivia: Better than yesterday, clearly.

Finn: New lady in your life?

O: No? You have Zahra with you.

N: No. She's with Maria.

O: What then?

N: I just had a nice night last night, that's all.

F: Then it must be a new lady.

N: No, actually it's not.

F: A call girl then.

O & A: Finn?

N: Really?

F: I'm just kidding okay.

N: Mm-hm, I believe that we have a case to work on.

O: That we do. We need to go interview a lady who might be connected, Nick.

N: Let's go.

...

The two of them made their way to one of the girls involved with the soon to be major and found out more than they had bargained for, so they decided to head back to the precinct to investigate the allegations.

O: So are you going to tell me what's been on your mind since we got into the car earlier? (She asked as he pulled the car into traffic)

N: I uh... I had an interesting night.

O: Nick, I know that we're friends but I don't know if we're that close.

N: What? No, I didn't mean it that way.

O: Okay, let me hear it then.

N: Well, after my argument with Barba I felt sort of bad last night, I decided to go over to Barba's office and he was still working like the workaholic he is..

O: Nick.

N: I know, I know so anyways I got there and apologized and we talked for a bit before he invited me for dinner where we actually talked like civilised human beings and I realised how much we had in common. He pain and I drove him home. It was one of the nicest nights that I have had in a long time, 'Liv.

O: That's nice, it really is. I told you that the two of you would get along once you stopped arguing with one another.

N: Yeah I now, I guess I need to listen to what you have to say more often then Detective Benson.

O: You really should, Nick. (She laughed)

...

Once they got back to work they all jumped into the case, chasing down leads and talking to the people involved. When lunch time rolled around, Nick ordered food instead of going out and took out his phone.

 _``Text``_

 _N: Does the DA's office give you guys lunch hours._

 _R: If they didn't I'd sue them. I happen to know a great lawyer._

 _N: Nah, he's pretty good at best._

 _R: Aren't you suppose to be working instead of bothering me?_

 _N: Us hard-working folk are entitled to a one hour break not that you know anything about hardwork._

 _R: I'll have you know that my job is very difficult Mr._

 _N: What, all you do is talk. You love talking._

 _R: I have to figure out positive ways to spin the nonsense that a certain detective in the 12_ _th_ _gets up to._

 _N: It gets the job done, counsellor._

 _R: Yeah right, I'm about to go do your job now._

 _N: What do you mean?_

 _R: Wait and see, detective._

 _N: What are you up to?_

 _R:_

 _..._

An hour later Barba walked in with Eddie and the lawyer that he had gotten for him and led them to the interrogation room.

N: Well done counsellor, I guess I have to give you my shield not. (He smiled handing Barba the coffee he had made for him)

R: Shut up, Nick.

N: Is everything okay, though?

R: Yeah, I hope so. Eddie is a good guy and Alex took advantage of that.

N: Well he's lucky he has you in his corner then.

R: Mm. (He smiled watching as Nick entered the interrogation room along with Finn and Olivia joined him to watch the interrogation.

Amanda saw the exchange between the two men who were constantly arguing and couldn't quite understand what she just saw.

...

After what they heard from Eddie the detectives were able to gather more damning evidence against Munoz. They set to work on getting warrants and statements in order to wrap the case up. When they had everything that they needed, they all gathered in the bullpen when Barba arrived.

O: We have everything we need to bring charges.

R: I'll go talk to him.

N: That's not necessary, we'll do it. I'd do it happily.

R: I know that. (He laughed) But I want to give him the chance to do the right thing.

O: Do you think he will though?

R: I don't know but I have to try.

F: You don't need to.

R: I know but I'm going to.

N: I'll walk you out.

R: I'll let you guys know.

...

F: "I'll walk you out" since when. Just the other day they couldn't stand each other.

A: Well it's not as strange as this afternoon when they were standing and laughing like old friends. It's weird.

O: Let them be guys. We all wanted them to get along and now they are.

F: Mm.

...

Later that night Nick got home after buying himself something to eat. They heard back from Barba and all of them knew that tomorrow would be a difficult day for all of them. Nick sat down on the couch with his food and took his phone out

 _``Texts```_

 _N: You Okay?_ (He texted)

 _R: I don't know._

 _N: You did all that you could._

 _R: Mm-hm._

 _N: I've never known you to be a man of few words._

 _R: I'm not feeling like myself I guess._

 _N: Let me take you out for dinner tomorrow night, to celebrate the end of the case._

 _R: It's not the end though, especially not for me._

 _N: Okay then, let's celebrate the fact that it's Friday._

 _R: That I can do but you're driving._

 _N: It's settled then, tomorrow night after work._

 _R: Okay, I'm going to bed now._

 _N: It's not even that late._

 _R: I'm tired Nick._

 _N: I understand, see you tomorrow._

 _R: Mm-hm good night._

 _N: Good night Rafael._

 _..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Nick's POV**

Nick was very jittery the following morning at the precinct and the fact that they didn't have an active case to focus on made it that much worse. When lunch time came around, he was about ready to hit his head against the wall to get rid of all the thoughts plaguing his mind.

O: Nick, do you want to get out of here and grab some lunch?

N: Uh, no sorry. I think that I need to be alone?

O: No, that's okay as long as you come back okay.

N: I'll try. See you guys in an hour.

...

A: What's wrong with Nick? I thought he'd be happy that we've solved this case.

O: He's just figuring a few things out.

A: Maybe I should go talk to him.

O: No. Let him be Rollins, he wants to be alone, let him.

A: But...

O: He wants to be alone. (She said with finality in her voice that made Amanda put her things down)

...

...

Nick left the precinct and walked to Central Park. He bought himself a hotdog ad sat down on one of the empty benches with a sigh. He was excited about his dinner with Barba but he kept hearing his father's voice in his head telling him to be a man. He got half way through his hotdog before he finally took his phone out. He fought against the rising urge he felt to text Barba and let him know that he couldn't make their dinner and finally put his phone away deciding that he wouldn't let fear rule his life.

...

He made it back to the precinct just as his lunch hour finished feeling more excited and calmer that he had all morning and tackled his work in order to finish at exactly seven because he agreed to pick Barba up at seven thirty.

O: Feeling better?

N: Much, just needed to get a few things out of my head.

O: I'm here if you want to talk or you just need a sounding board.

N: I know and thank you for that.

...

That evening just before seven thirty, Nick arrived at the ADA's office and saw Barba walking out of the building.

...

N: I've been wondering...

R: Mm-hm.

N: Why do I always have to drive?

R: I don't like driving?

N: Why?

R: No reason, I just don't.

N: But you own a car?

R: Yes if do and I can drive too, I just choose not to.

N: Okay.

...

They got to the restaurant and were seated quickly on the crowded Friday night because Nick had made a reservation.

N: So I've been thinking... (He started after their waitress left with their food order)

R: Whoa what's been going on with you lately? Earlier you were wondering and now you're thinking, what happened to the crazy NYPD detective that does everything without thinking anything through?

N: He's about to stab you with a butter knife.

R: Sorry, continue. (He laughed)

N: About last time. I ... I really like spending time with you Raf and it's throwing me off.

Barba wanted to say something but stopped when their food was brought.

N: Like I actually enjoy it even if we're just texting each other... I don't know. (He sighed)

R: Don't over think it, Nick. Just... uh, like the hippies say; go with the flow because we're not gonna get anywhere by over analysing everything.

N: But I don't know how to do that, Raf.

R: Let's start easy, tell me about your family and I'll do the same.

Barba kept asking easy question and suggesting new topics and the two of them just kept talking, avoiding any difficult topics. Their evening came to an end after the two of them each had a cup of coffee. Nick had to stop Barba from ordering a second cup of coffee before he could pay because the ADA was already hyped us as is.

R: Why are you cutting me off?

N: Because you're talking faster than you do in the court room, any more coffee and I won't be able to understand you.

R: It's not because of the coffee, I'm just excited.

N: What can we do about that?

R: Let's go for a walk. There's a park that I like taking walks through about a block from my place.

N: Okay.

...

They left and Nick drove them to the park Barba directed him to. The park was beautifully lit up by the street lights surrounding it which made the place look even nicer.

They walked down the lit park in comfortable silence. Barba started talking and Nick soon joined in as they made their way to a small bench where they didn't run out of things to talk about.

Barba sat starring at Nick before leaning forward, a movement Nick noticed and followed. Just as their lips were about to meet, Nick abruptly pulled away and jumped up.

N: Uh, I think we should get going, it's getting late.

R: Nick.

N: Come on, I'll go and drop you off.

R: Nick please.

N: Let's go.

R: I'll walk, my place isn't that far.

N: No, come one I'll drop you off. (He said making his way to where the car was parked)

Barba sighed before following Nick who was rushing out of the park. He unlocked the car without saying anything and got in. This was the first time that they were sat in an uncomfortable silence since they started getting along. When they got to Barba's place he gave up on saying anything because Nick refused to even look in his direction.

Nick received a text from Barba when he got home but he couldn't bring himself to reply.

 _B: I really enjoyed tonight and it got my mind off the case so that's a bonus. Thanks. I'm sorry for ruining our night._

...

...

Nick retrieved the six pack of beer in his fridge as soon as he got home and set up camp on the couch in front of the TV that was currently off. He started drinking so that he could numb all the thoughts going through his mind. He had serious things going through his mind such as the kiss or almost kiss and what it could mean for their relationship to simple things like how much he likes Barba's smile or how his eyes lit up when he talked about something that excited him. He finished all six beers before falling asleep on the couch still wearing the clothes he had on for work including the shoes.

He woke up the following morning with a headache and started cleaning up the empty bottles and pointedly ignoring his phone. He went to take a shower and came out feeling like a new man. He finally picked up his phone and saw 2 missed calls from Barba and 4 messages, 3 from Barba and one from Olivia.

[ _R: I'm sorry._

 _R: I still want us to be friends and nothing more if that is what you want._

 _R: Nick please..._

 _O: Hi, just checking if you're still coming over for dinner tomorrow night?]_

He replied to Olivia's message with a curt yes before switching his phone off.


	4. Chapter 4

Nick tried keeping busy but after an hour of pretending to clean up he couldn't fool himself so he went outside to his small backyard and sat down on the bench under the tree to get away from the mid afternoon sun.

N: Rafael Barba. (He sighed)

His mind was like a jungle filled with a million thoughts but the largest one was the question: "Could I possibly be gay?"

 **~~Flashback~~**

 _N: Dad, there's nothing wrong with being gay._

 _Snr: Are you a queer?_

 _N: No but..._

 _Snr: No buts, you stay away from them._

 _N: The Americans are okay with it, most of my friends..._

 _Snr: Firstly, we're not Americans and my word is law, stay away from those dirty people and you don't want to know what I'll do to you if I find out that you're friends with these types, Nicholas._

 _N: I'm not, promise._

 _Snr: Well at least there's something that you're good at, I better not find out that you're lying._

After sitting outside for a while and stewing over the words running through his head, Nick finally decided to go back inside and found himself walking towards his bedroom. He walked over to the bedside table and took out a letter that he hadn't even thought about in years.

 _Dear Nicholas,_

 _I know that you didn't want me at your wedding so I didn't come but I just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of you for getting married to a woman. I always thought that you were one of those queers because of how emotional you always were but I guess that I was wrong. You're a real man now, better stay that way. Call me sometime and we'll talk._

 _Love your father._

...

Nick's hands shook as he re-read the letter and was unaware that he was crying until he saw tear droplets fall on the paper. The paper fell from his hands as his entire body shook with sobs as he finally let go of everything.

Nick held his face in his hands as he cried for the first time in years. He let everything out with his tears for the following ten minutes. Nick was exhausted after everything and decided to talk a short nap. He slept for the remainder of the day and only woke up around eight to make himself a sandwich to eat before going back to bed where he laid looking at the ceiling for a good half an hour before falling asleep.

 **-Sunday-**

Nick woke up around five the following morning because of all the sleep he had yesterday and decided to go to the gym for a quick workout because he felt like he was neglecting his fitness the last few days.

He finished gyming at seven thirty and got home to get ready for a Church service at nine. He had lunch with his children that afternoon which put him in better spirits for the rest of the day.

...

 **-Olivia's Place-**

O: Nick come in, I wasn't sure if you were still coming.

N: Why, I said that I'd be here yesterday.

O: But I tried calling you a couple of times but your phone was off.

N: Oh, sorry then.

O: Your phone's never off Nick, what's up?

N: I was, uh... Is Noah here?

O: Uh... yeah. He's in the living room, watch him for me while I dish up.

N: Okay.

Nick went to find Noah while Olivia went to the kitchen. She made her way to the living room where she stopped and listened to Nick talking to Noah.

N: You're perfect just the way you are Noah, don't ever listen to anyone else who says otherwise okay. No matter what path you take, always remember that you're perfect.

O: Nick?

N: Later okay.

O: Mm. Bring Noah and come eat.

...

The three of them had dinner and Nick and Olivia kept light conversation going until they finished. He gave Noah a bath while Olivia quickly did the dishes and when they finished they put Noah to bed together before moving back to the living room.

O: So...

N: I think that I might be gay.

O: What?

N: Or maybe I'm just gay for him, you know.

O: Okay Nick, I think you should start from the beginning.

N: Well you know that Barba and I are friends now right. So we've been spending a bit of time together, texting and calling also and it's always really nice.

O: Well that's good.

N: Mm-hm. I made a point to stay away from Barba in the beginning because of what he made me think. My dad ruined me in more ways than one, told me that I needed to be a real man and Barba asked if that was why I didn't want to be friends but I explained that my issues were more internal and everything just blew up on Friday.

O: What happened on Friday?

N: We went out for dinner to celebrate the fact that it was Friday and we had a really great time, then we went for a walk in the park and Barba kissed... Barba almost, uh, we almost kissed and I sort of freaked out and rushed back to the car and I insisted on dropping him off but I didn't say a single word to him the entire trip back and when I got home, I drank a six pack ignored my phone and fell asleep on the couch. Yesterday morning when I woke up, I checked my messages, replied to yours and my phone's been off since.

O: Nick.

N: I needed to think 'Liv, everything I've thought about myself has been turned on its head.

O: But this isn't only about you, Nick. Just imagine what Barba is going through right now. You haven't returned any of his messages or made any effort to contact him. He probably thinks that he's ruined your relationship.

N: Okay I'll talk to him but I don't even know what to say to him.

O: The truth usually works.

N: If only I knew what the truth was.

O: Then let's figure it out, you said something about your father. What was that about?

N: Nothing.

O: You know Nick that nothing rarely means nothing in our line of work. I want to help you Nick.

N: I know. (He sighed) Fine.

Nick told Olivia everything that happened down to the letter he received after his wedding day minus the tears of yesterday.

...


	5. Chapter 5

Nick got to work the following morning and he was actually happy that they had a case to keep him distracted. He spent the entire day working on the case, giving everything in him to help solve the case not only for the victims sake but also to keep his mind off of what he wanted to do that night. By six o'clock Nick had lost all the courage that he had built up and decided to just cancel everything.

O: Time to go.

N: Mm?

O: It's time for you to go, Nick.

N: We have a case and...

O: We are going to continue working on it first thing tomorrow morning and the captain hasn't authorised any over time.

N: It doesn't matter, I'll still work.

O: No you won't, now get up and go to the DA's office.

N: I don't think that's a good idea any...

O: Absolutely not, you're going even if I have to drive you myself.

N: Fine. (He sighed) I'm going.

O: And no flaking out.

N: I won't... I promise. Thank you, Olivia.

O: It's a pleasure, let me know how it went later okay.

N: I will, good night.

...

...

Nick got to the DA's office and for a split second considered just turning around and going home but stopped himself, deciding that he wouldn't allow fear to rule his life any longer.

Nick walked in and went over to the receptionist in front of Barba's office when he saw the man's door was closed.

N: Hi, is Barba in?

Recep: Yes but there's someone in there with him, detective.

N: Oh.

Recep: He might be busy for a little while longer, is there something I can help you with?

N: No, it's okay thanks. I'll just wait if that's okay.

Recep: Absolutely, can I get you anything to drink?

N: Do you have anything strong for me to drink?

Recep: No, not out here but he does in his office.

N: Well then I'll have to get him to pour me a glass. (He smiled)

Nick waited for another 10 minutes before the door opened and a frustrated looking man walked out and left without acknowledging the two people he passed.

Recep: You can go in now.

N: Are you sure?

Recep: Mm-hm, let him know that I'm going to leave now, okay?

N: I will, enjoy your night.

Recep: You too, detective.

...

Nick knocked on the door before going in and to say that Barba was shocked to see him would be an understatement.

R: Detective.

N: Counsellor.

R: What can I help you with?

N: Can we talk... please?

R: Of course, take a seat.

N: Can I uh... have a drink first? Oh and you secretary said she's leaving.

R: Help yourself, I'm going to talk to her quickly.

N: Okay

...

Nick poured and downed a glass of scotch before pouring another one and taking a seat in front of Barba's desk.

R: So uh, what did you want to talk about? (He asked closing the door and taking his seat)

N: I want to apologize for uhm... I shouldn't have run off the way I did and then ignore you the entire weekend.

R: I was so worried Nick and I understand if you don't want that kind of relationship with me but I would still like to maintain our friendship.

N: I don't think I want to be friends with you.

R: ...T-That's understandable, I guess.

N: No, I think I want us to be more than friends and that's what's scaring me.

R: I want to be happy but... why is it scaring you?

N: I-I don't know.

R: That's a cop out, Nick.

N: I'm not use to it and I can't control it. I like being in control because that way I can make sure that I don't get hurt... I've gotten hurt enough times now and I'm tired of it.

R: You can still be in control Nick, I'd never dream of taking that away from you.

N: I can't be in control around you Raf and maybe I... maybe I don't want to be in control around you.

R: I'm fine with that and we can work all of that out later but for now, we can both be in control.

N: Two explosive personalities both in control, this is doomed before anything even happens.

R: We'll make it work, we might both have explosive personalities but we're determined and that'll help us in the long run.

N: There comes that Ivy League education.

R: Well it has to count for something. (He smiled)

N: Do you want to do this the right way?

R: What do you mean?

N: Would you like to go out with me Friday night, like, as in a-a date?

R: I would love to Nick.

N: Okay, then it's settled. Sorry for this weekend okay.

R: Already forgiven and forgotten plus, you'll make it up to me on Friday.

N: I just might, yeah.

...

...

Olivia walked into the precinct and saw Nick talking to Finn with a smile on his face.

O: You look happy today.

N: I am, talking things out really helps sometimes.

O: It does.

F: I was just telling him now that in the last couple of days he has had more mood swings than a hormonal teenage girl.

N: Like I told you, it's not true.

O: I'm with Finn on this Nick.

N: You're turning against me too?

F: The truth hurts.

N: Well we have a case.

...

The SVU team spent their week solving cases and getting along better because Nick's mood had improved almost instantly.

 **-Friday-**

 **-Texts-**

 _N: Am I supposed to buy you flowers for tonight... or do you have to buy flowers for me?_

 _R: You can if you want to. Do you want flowers?_

 _N: No, I don't think so what about you?_

 _R: You know, why not? It's our first date after all._

 _N: Okay, I'll buy you some._

 _R: Thanks._

 _N: One more thing._

 _R: Mm-hm._

 _N: Since it's our first date and all don't you think that you should drive us?_

 _R: Let's get one thing straight Amaro, I do not nor will I ever want to drive. I have a rental car that I ONLY use when I absolutely have to. Comprende?_

 _N: Yes I get it, might ask again though_

 _R: Do it and you're not getting another date._

 _N: Okay, I get it._

 _R: You better._

 _N: I need to go because I'm getting weird looks from the people here because I can't stop smiling._

 _R: Glad to know I put a smile on your face because you put one on my face too. See you later._

 _N: 'Till later._

 _..._

 _..._

O: You need to stop, you're creeping us all out here Nick. (She smiled)

N: It's your fault so you're the only one to blame, Detective Benson.

...

Nick left the precinct half an hour earlier so that he had enough time to get home and change before going to pick Barba up. He texted him that he was almost there and Barba was already waiting outside by the time he got there. He got out and walked over to the other side.

N: Hi, these are for you. (He smiled giving Barba purple roses)

R: Thank you Nick, they're beautiful.

Nick opened the door for him and held it open until he entered and then closing it again.

...

R: So just out of curiosity; why the purple roses?

N: Do you not like them?

R: No, I love them. They're unique, I was just wondering.

N: Red just didn't seem right, white was just weird and then I saw the purple and I thought it suited you. I like the colour purple on you.

R: Thanks.

N: I want to apologize for last week...

R: Don't remember it, nothing happened. It's in the past, we're starting over.

N: Okay, good. (He smiled)

...

...

The two of them got to the restaurant where Nick had reserved a table for them and are seated towards the back, next to the window. The waiter offered to bring a vase filled with water for the roses after he took their drink orders.

R: I know that this is our first official date but we don't have any first date topics to go through because we did all that when we first started to get to know one another.

N: Yeah. I guess we did but now I can hold your hand and look into your eyes the whole time without being nervous or worried that someone might see me. (He smiled taking a hold of Barba's hand on the table)

R: But I still love talking to you...

N: And just talking in general.

R: So they say. (He laughs as the waiter brings their drinks and the vase)

The guys have an amazing evening both leaving the restaurant with smiles on their faces. Nick was driving Barba home and while driving past the park an idea struck his mind and he turned into it.

R: What are you doing?

N: Something, just wait.

R: You don't have to do this now Nick, I can wait.

The two of them got out of the car nonetheless after Nick parked.

N: I know but... I-I want to try... if that's okay?

R: Okay but I want you to want to do this for yourself and not because you think it's what I want.

N: I want it, I really want it. (He laughs)

R: Okay.

Barba takes Nick's hand in his and takes him to the very same bench as last time. There are a few more people in the park but none of them are close enough to see the two men.

Nick took a hold of Barba's hands and slowly leaned in and finally gave him a kiss. As he got more into the kiss he let go of Barba's hands and put them on his hips and in return Barba put his arms around Nick's shoulders neither one of them breaking the kiss. They kept going for a while before they finally pulled away.

N: That was amazing. (He said slightly out of breath)

R: Yeah.

N: Mm-hm, never thought I'd be standing in the middle of the park with a man making out like teenagers.

R: I already told you that thinking isn't for you.

N: Oh shut up. (He smiled pulling him in for another kiss)

They shared a few more kisses before going back to the car. Nick drove them to Barba's place where he insisted that Nick walked him to the door. They kissed for a bit in front of the front door until Barba practically chased Nick away after one last kiss.

...

...

The following Monday a flower delivery man arrived at the precinct with a bouquet of red roses with a note. Finn wouldn't stop teasing him for the rest of the day.

 _***Red roses seem just right for me._

 _Thank you for Friday, hope there's more where that came from._

 _Enjoy your day._

 _R. ***_


	6. Chapter 6

Nick and Barba have been out on a couple of dates this last month and the both of them are seriously falling for one another harder and faster than they both thought possible.

Nick had his daughter Zara for the weekend when Barba showed up on Sunday night. Nick introduced him to her as his friend but before he could even say anything else Barba was on his way out again. This kept happening for a couple more times until Nick finally decided to ask him about it. They were having dinner at Barba's place that the man himself had prepared when Nick finally brought it up.

N: There's something that I wanted to talk to you about.

R: Sure, go ahead. I'm listening.

N: I know that we've only been going out or dating for a little over a month but I also know that I'm serious about this, about us.

R: So am I Nick, these last couple of weeks have been great.

N: Mm-hm but... (He sighed) do you... you do know that Zara is a large part of my life right?

R: Of course I do, she's your daughter.

N: But I don't know if I can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to be around her.

R: What are you talking about Nick?

N: I'm talking about the fact that whenever Zara is around you hardly come over and when you do you don't even stay half an hour before you're off again and then I have to explain to my daughter when she asks me why daddy's friend doesn't like her.

R: It's just... I'm not- I'm not ready to have a child in my life at the moment.

N: You're not ready to have a child in your life right now... are you serious?

R: Nick...

N: No you knew before we started this that I had a daughter, you know how important she is to me but you agreed to try this. I don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want Zara in their lives, Raf.

R: I've never thought about having a child in my life, I never really had a reason to.

N: Well now you do Raf and I need you to really think about it because that little girl is my life.

He got up and gave Barba a kiss on the cheek before leaving, giving Barba his time to think everything through.

...

...

Nick and Olivia were busy grabbing lunch the following day when Olivia gave Nick a look telling him to talk to her.

N: I feel like we talk about my problems and hardly ever about you.

O: When I have something that want to talk about, you're the first person I'll be going to. Don't worry.

N: Okay uhm, last night Barba and I...

O: Sorry but it's funny how you still call him Barba after all this time.

N: I only call him that when I'm talking to someone else about him but when we're together I call him by his name.

O: Oh okay, go on.

N: Whenever I have Zara over I hardly see him and if he happens to come around it's never for long and I asked him about it last night and he tells me that he's not ready to have a child in his life yet and I don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want her in their life.

O: But Nick, you also need to understand that Barba might've never imagined himself with kids and now suddenly there's this little girl and he could just be confused.

N: I know and I don't want to break off our relationship because he makes me so happy.

O: Then don't, just give him time to figure it out.

N: I will because I don't want have another choice.

...

Nick and Barba don't meet up for a while but did call each other regularly to make sure that they did not get out of touch with one another while they're figuring things out.

The SVU team was working with the gang unit on a sex trafficking case involving a very violent gang in Queens. The team got a tip about where the gang's base of operation was which was also where they were keeping the girls so they got ready to go to the location along with the gang unit and SWAT.

When they got there the gang opened fire on them and the police officers all returned fire and didn't stop until they were either lying on the ground in a pool of their own blood or being handcuffed. Once the dust settled and the adrenaline started wearing off Nick noticed that something wasn't right when he started feeling faint.

N: 'Liv. (He whispered) Olivia! (He shouted before falling down)

O: Yes? Nick! Nick what's wrong? (She shouted running over to her partner) We need the paramedics in here! Officer down! (She said putting pressure on Nick's shoulder wound)

The EMT's rushed in and started attending to Nick while everyone else worked on cuffing offenders and getting the trafficking victims out.

F: You should go with him 'Liv, I've got things covered here.

O: But...

F: He's your partner. You should be with him, go.

O: Thanks Finn. (She said going out with Nick and the EMT's)

...

The EMT's called ahead and Nick was immediately rushed into the OR while Olivia had to wait in the waiting room.

After having finally calmed down Olivia called Finn to let him know that Nick was taken in for surgery and also to get an update on how everything was going at the scene. She had to call Barba after she finished her conversation with Finn.

~ **Phone Call~**

 _O: Hello._

 _R: Olivia, hi._

 _O: Barba uh..._

 _R: What's wrong, was there something wrong with the warrants..._

 _O: No, everything was good. We got them._

 _R: Okay, give me half an hour and I'll be at the precinct._

 _O: Nick's in the hospital Barba._

 _R: What? Wha...what happened?_

 _O: He was shot in the shoulder, they have him in the operating room right now._

 _R: I'm on my way text me the details._

 _O: Okay, I will._

...

...

Barba grabbed the keys of the rental he hardly used and left after letting his secretary know where he was heading. He arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes later.

O: Barba. (She sighed when she saw the other man)

R: Any news?

O: No, not yet. I'm still waiting.

R: Mm, how are you, are you okay?

O: Yeah I wasn't hurt. They started shooting at us and we returned fire, Nick didn't even realise he was shot until the shooting stopped and we were busy handcuffing the guys.

B: Adrenaline hey.

O: Mm-hm.

B: Where are the others?

O: Still at the scene, one of us had to come with Nick and Finn pretty much ordered me to saying that he'd take care of things there.

R: I'm going to go get coffee because I'll go mad if I have to sit here, want a cup?

O: Yes please.

...

Barba came back with two cups of coffee for him and Olivia and the two of them waited another half an hour before a doctor came in to talk to them.

DR: Family of Nick Amaro?

O: Yes, how is he doing?

Dr: He's going to be fine, we were able to get the bullet out and he was lucky that it didn't hit any major blood vessels. We're going to be keeping him here of a couple of days just to make sure that there isn't any infection.

R: Can we see him?

Dr: Sure, he's still under sedation but you can see him, this way.

When they got to Nick's room they saw him hooked up to machines and bandages covering his chest. They sat down on either side of Nick on the chairs provided.

O: What a way to start the week huh?

R: Yeah it's something... wait.

O: What's wrong?

R: Nick said that he has Zara this week and the schools come out in... half an hour.

O: I'll go pick her up.

R: No, I'll go and she can stay with me until Nick gets discharged.

O: Are you sure, she can stay with me no problem.

R: No. She's Nick's daughter and I need to do this for him.

O: Okay then.

R: I'll bring her over her after I pick her up, hopefully he'll be awake by them.

O: Barba.

R: Mm.

O: He's going to be okay.

R: I know, it's just... not the best feeling in the world seeing him just lying there.

...

...

He got to Zara's school just as the children started coming out. He called out to Zara when she was coming out and she looked surprised to see him but walked towards him nonetheless.

Zara: Hello Uncle Rafa, where's my dad?

R: Your dad's in the hospital but it's nothing serious, the doctors say that he'll be out in a couple of days.

Z: Where will I stay then, my mom is not here.

R: Well I was thinking that you could stay with me for the time being, if that's okay.

Z: Mm-hm, my dad likes you so I guess it's okay.

R: I like him too. (He smiled) Let's go see him.

...

When they got to Nick's room they saw that he as alone with no sign of Olivia.

R: Hey, you're awake.

N: Woke up a while ago.

Z: Daddy!

N: Hey darling, how are you?

Z: Fine, how about you?

N: I'm all fixed up, no pain don't worry.

Z: Okay, Uncle Rafa said that I can stay with him while you're in here.

N: You don't have to, I'm sure that my mother can take her.

R: Your mother is on vacation and I really don't mind. It'll do me good, don't worry.

N: As long as you don't feel forced to do this.

R: I volunteered Nick, wouldn't have if I wasn't 100% sure.

N: Okay, thank you Raf.

R: Anything for you.

Barba and Zara spent a little more time with Nick until he started to get sleepy, so they left him to sleep after saying goodbye.

...


	7. Chapter 7

R: I think it'll be better if we stay at your dad's place because all your things are there.

Z: Okay. (She said softly)

R: Is there something wrong?

Z: Why don't you like me?

R: I do, I think you're a sweetheart.

Z: But you always leave when I'm there and then my daddy always looks sad.

R: That's my fault, it has nothing to do with you. I've never really been around any kids except at work and I didn't want to do anything wrong so I thought that it would be best if I just stayed away.

Z: Well that's stupid.

R: Believe me, I know and that's why I decided to take you while Nick is in the hospital.

Z: You like making my dad happy don't you?

R: I do, is that okay with you?

Z: Mm-hm, I love seeing my daddy happy.

R: Me too. How about this, when your dad get's out of the hospital you, me, him and Gilberto go out for lunch together?

Z: Gil.

R: Mm?

Z: He likes being called Gil.

R: Okay then it's me, you, your dad and Gil. Do you like that? (He smiled)

Z: I do.

R: Well then it's a date.

Barba was surprised at how well he and Zara got along with one another and how much he enjoyed spending time with her and he told Nick as much the next time he went to visit him.

R: It's just crazy how much I actually enjoy being around her. She's a special little girl and she made me realise that I don't really have to fear or worry about the things that ate away at me about being around children.

N: I'm glad that the two of you are getting along because I've been worried about you guys since the time you told me that you would be taking her. What made you decide to take her though?

R: You know I thought 'I may not want kids but she's Nick's daughter and I need to do this for him, for us' and I'm glad that I did.

N: You are something special Rafael Barba.

R: Well of course.

N: I think that we need to tell the rest of the team that we're dating.

R: Why, what happened?

N: Besides the fact that you volunteered to take care of my daughter while we supposedly don't get along, nothing.

R: Cheeky. How did you get out of telling them the reason?

N: I told them that I was tired and Olivia suggested that they let me rest.

R: If you're okay with it all then sure we can tell them.

N: We can do it once I'm out of here.

R: Speaking of, when are they discharging you because the two of us have a date with your kids?

N: My kids?

R: Yes, Zara and I agreed to it on Monday so now all you have to do is get Gil in on it.

N: Okay, I'll call his mother later.

R: Discharged?

N: Tomorrow if everything looks good.

R: Good.

N: You need to stop surprising me counsellor my heart can't handle it anymore. First you volunteer to take Zara, then you're cool with telling the team and now you're planning dates with my kids.

R: All for you. (He smiled giving Nick a kiss on the forehead)

...

Nick get's released the following day but he's only allowed to go back to work the following week for desk duty. Barba took the afternoon off so that the four of them could go out together. The kids got to know him better and he got to know them too. Both kids seemed to approve of Nick and Barba's relationship which put Nick on cloud nine.

The following day was Friday so Nick and Barba decided to take the team out for dinner at the restaurant that they all frequented.

F: You look good for someone who got shot.

N: In the shoulder.

F: I think you just did it to get some time off. (He said causing everyone around the table to laugh)

A: Not that I don't like free food but why did you invite us all here?

N: Well a lot has happened in the last couple of weeks and I thought it was time to let you guys in on it and I'm not the one paying, the ADA that earns more than I do is.

R: I don't earn... that much more than you do.

N: Sure. So I'm guessing that you have all noticed that Barba and I have gotten closer and friendlier with one another.

F: Yeah it's been like living in the Twilight Zone.

N: Detective Tutuola...

F: Is shutting up now.

N: So after our big blow out in the elevator I thought it would be best if I apologized to Barba and after that he bought us dinner, which was really nice of him.

R: And a few weeks ago we decided to see what it would be like to be more than friends and it's worked out pretty well for us.

A: What, are you saying what I think you're saying?

N: We're dating and we got the kids seal of approval yesterday and that's why we decided that it was time to tell you guys.

A: Great. (She faked a smile because she always thought she and Nick would get back together)

F: Ooh Nick has a boyfriend. (He cooed)

N: And he said that I was acting like a teenager.

F: A hormonal teenager.

O: Boys... Remember that this has to stay between us because a relationship between a detective and an ADA will not be accepted.

F: Of course, I'm happy for you two.

R: Thanks.

...

...

Nick and Barba had just finished having dinner at a restaurant and were now walking in "their" park holding hands until they got to their favourite bench and took a seat.

N: Who would have thought that I would fall in love with a loud mouth prosecutor?

R: More like who would have thought that I would fall in love with a crazy NYPD detective.

N: It's probably for the best that we fell in love with one another...

R: Because no one would be able to handle our crazy like we can. (He smiled pulling Nick in for a kiss)

N: I love you so much Rafael Barba and it's just so crazy.

R: My love for you is just as crazy Nicholas Amaro.

The two smiled at each other before going in for another lingering kiss.

...

 **The End**


End file.
